{"id":2807,"date":"2023-07-25T08:03:31","date_gmt":"2023-07-25T12:03:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thepetigrureview.com\/?page_id=2807"},"modified":"2023-07-25T08:03:31","modified_gmt":"2023-07-25T12:03:31","slug":"the-porch-swing","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/thepetigrureview.com\/?page_id=2807","title":{"rendered":"The Porch Swing"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Grace Wells<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Issue 16<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Flash Fiction<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After an unusually lukewarm sex session, the porch swing swayed and creaked underneath the weight of two bodies. The sounds of cars passing on the highway behind the house rang louder than usual without their playful banter filling the air. The shining sun wasn\u2019t hot, for the fall season had just begun. They rocked the swing back and forth, seemingly to the slow and uncaring rhythm of the wind. With every push and pull of the refurbished swing, the metal chains creaked with a sad and tired cry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One question banged around her head. It was a simple question with a simple answer, but the wrong answer could have serious consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDo you think I\u2019m beautiful?\u201d she said, forcing the words out of her mouth before she swallowed them forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She\u2019d never use the word coward to describe him. No matter where they were or what they were doing, she always felt safe and protected in his presence. He was usually the biggest and loudest guy in the room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But he was afraid to tackle the question at hand. He\u2019d been afraid to look her in the eye while having sex. He refused to kiss her for some reason. Instead of the slow and loving rhythm he usually kept while loving her, today was fast and inattentive\u2014like he wanted to get it over with. His mind was somewhere else while he was supposed to be all in with her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She could not move forward without asking. So she did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His silence felt like a betrayal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The porch swing sprang up with a creak from how quickly she stood up. She knew that she wasn\u2019t as thick as the girls he usually went for. She wasn\u2019t open to trying new things, especially the sexual kind like his past lovers. Hell, before him she never even hit a bong. She was the safe option for him. No risk of heartbreak or disappointment. But his words usually reassured her. He\u2019d tell her how pretty she was, how smart she was or how much he enjoyed having her in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But he never called her beautiful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWait,\u201d he said, barely above a whisper. \u201cIt\u2019s not that I don\u2019t find you attractive.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She tried to talk, shout or make any sound, but her tongue felt too big for her mouth. She wanted to be pissed, but like the porch swing\u2019s metal chains, she was sad and tired. She couldn\u2019t bear to look at him because she knew if she saw his big chestnut eyes, she\u2019d betray herself and forgive him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Their relationship started as nothing more than a fling on Tinder. A little pick me up that they both needed to get over people who walked out of their lives way too easily. Sex turned into something more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On warm summer nights, they sat on the porch swing for hours listening to each other\u2019s favorite artists. He played her Mac Miller\u2019s Devine Feminine<\/em> album from start to finish. She played him every love song she\u2019d ever heard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And now, she had to leave before he talked her into betraying herself. Even though they weren\u2019t official and it had only been a few months, she felt very attached. She ran to her car. As she drove away, she saw him in her rear-view mirror standing in his driveway watching her car speed away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Days later, her phone was full of voicemails from him, all tearful and upset. \u201cBabe, I didn\u2019t mean what I said\u2014or what I didn\u2019t say. Please, just let me explain. We can\u2019t just leave it like this.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even though it had only been a few whirlwind-filled months, she knew that she didn\u2019t owe him a thing. But if she didn\u2019t owe him anything, not a goddamn thing, why was she driving over to his place right now? Why did she still feel like she was all in? Instead of a fiery rage inside, she felt dread. There was no certainty they\u2019d have one of those powerful love stories people write about in books and movies. But what if it turned into something more? She had never felt this way for anyone before. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She pulled up to the house, and there he was, waiting for her on the porch swing. She sat in her tiny car for a second, collecting her breath. Her grip on the steering wheel was so tight she felt the fabric peeling off into her palms. Her heart beat so fast it felt like the moment before you take a giant leap off a mountain and fall into the ocean underneath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHey,\u201d she said, keeping her eyes fixed on the bottom step of the porch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHey,\u201d he smiled, hopeful. She sat down on the porch swing next to him, trying her best not to let their knees, elbows or anything else touch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s up?\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNothing much. What about you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJust thinking about how I\u2019m going to explain this to you.\u201d He let out a sigh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJust tell me how you really<\/em> feel,\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d he said, a little hesitant. \u201cI promise I\u2019m not some jackass who\u2019s been dragging you along for these past few months. It\u2019s just that when you asked me if I thought you were beautiful, it took me by surprise.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhy would that surprise you?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know. I\u2019ve been thinking about it for the past few days. I know that I do, but then I have these thoughts that make me second-guess myself. I hear this little voice in my head that asks if I\u2019m sure that I do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d she said, still confused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOnce the thought is in my head I just obsess and obsess over it until there\u2019s something else to obsess over. It\u2019s a vicious cycle that never ends. So in my head I’m going back and forth.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEither you do or you don\u2019t. It\u2019s not some great fucking debate!\u201d She was getting frustrated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not that easy!\u201d he shouted, matching her energy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut, it is. Just look at me!\u201d She grabbed his chin, forcing him to look her dead in the eye, where she could see and feel the fury in his eyes. But they softened as he scanned her face from her full lips to her nose peppered with freckles so light that you wouldn\u2019t see them on the first or second look.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd?\u201d she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He removed her hand, angrier than he meant to. His confusion seemed to frustrate him as well. She knew that he loved looking at her and took notice when other guys looked at her. But for some reason, he couldn\u2019t tell her she was beautiful while having this internal battle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ve got to go,\u201d she said kicking the porch swing a few more times before standing, defeated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d he mumbled, defeated as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As she walked away, she listened to the porch swing\u2019s slow creaks like it was playing her swan song. Just as she reached her car those sad tired chains squeaked louder than she\u2019d ever heard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m OCD,\u201d he blurted out, grabbing her hand after crossing the yard in record time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI have OCD, that\u2019s why I keep going in circles. I know<\/em> that you\u2019re beautiful, and I see other people checking you out. I just didn\u2019t want to tell you something that I couldn\u2019t be sure of myself. No matter how obvious it is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She took a second to let it sink in. She wasn\u2019t sure how to feel. She wasn\u2019t sure if what he did was sweet or just a jerk move. Why would he lie to her about something so important? Is it so hard to lie just to make her happy? The way he dragged this out felt like he was enjoying some sick part of it. At this point, could she even trust him? She studied his face for some kind of answer. Once again, he couldn\u2019t meet her eyes. He kept his arms folded and picked at a scab on his arm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This was obviously something that made him feel vulnerable. \u201cHave you told anyone else that you have OCD?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a medical diagnosis. My doctor knows. My family knows.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m not well versed in the realm of mental illness,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s okay.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut I want to know healthy ways to respond to things like this for you,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cReally?\u201d He seemed shocked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLook, you\u2019re not an asshole or anything like that, but I wish you would\u2019ve just told me in the beginning. You didn\u2019t warn me. You didn\u2019t really leave me a choice on whether I wanted to deal with this or not. Instead, you let me catch these feelings for you, and then<\/em> you tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s fine,\u201d she sighed, grabbing his hand and looking up at the sky. It wasn\u2019t fine, but she felt as though it would be too hard to get rid of these feelings. She\u2019d spent months getting to know this man and would have nothing to show for it. Plus isn\u2019t this the point of being in a relationship? You learn to love someone, flaws included.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He squeezed her hand. \u201cNo, it\u2019s not.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Over time she saw two sides to him. One was everything she had ever prayed for, a warm, funny, adventurous and patient partner. But the other side of him could never overlook her flaws and would obsess over them until something else occupied his mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She could always tell when he was second-guessing her. He\u2019d get quiet and distant, wanting nothing to do with her. He\u2019d try to be close to her and tell her how beautiful she was; however, she could never figure out if his words were genuine or if he said them out of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But she stayed. She knew how to look past the pain he caused and how to love all of him even if he could only love the good parts of her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Somewhere along the way, they stopped going out to the porch swing together. She went by herself. She sat out there day and night, hot and cold. She sat there to catch her breath and to remind herself why she was there, and who it was that she loved.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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Grace Wells NEED BIO <\/summary>\n

<\/p>\n<\/details>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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\"\"
Read “Hard-boiled”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"\"
Read “The Gathering”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"\"
Read “Ancestry”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Grace Wells Issue 16 Flash Fiction After an unusually lukewarm sex session, the porch swing swayed and creaked underneath the weight of two bodies. The sounds of cars passing on the highway behind the house rang louder than usual without their playful banter filling the air. The shining sun wasn\u2019t hot, for the fall season had just begun. They rocked the swing back and forth, seemingly to the slow and uncaring rhythm of the wind. With every push and pull of the refurbished swing, the metal chains creaked with a sad and tired cry. One question banged around her head. It was a simple question with a simple answer, but the wrong answer could have serious consequences. \u201cDo you think I\u2019m beautiful?\u201d she said, forcing the words out of her mouth before she swallowed them forever. She\u2019d never use the word coward to describe him. No matter where they were or what they were doing, she always felt safe and protected in his presence. He was usually the biggest and loudest guy in the room. But he was afraid to tackle the question at hand. He\u2019d been afraid to look her in the eye while having sex. He refused to kiss her for some reason. Instead of the slow and loving rhythm he usually kept while loving her, today was fast and inattentive\u2014like he wanted to get it over with. His mind was somewhere else while he was supposed to be all in with her. She could not move forward without asking. So she did. His silence felt like a betrayal. The porch swing sprang up with a creak from how quickly she stood up. She knew that she wasn\u2019t as thick as the girls he usually went for. She wasn\u2019t open to trying new things, especially the sexual kind like his past lovers. Hell, before him she never even hit a bong. She was the safe option for him. No risk of heartbreak or disappointment. But his words usually reassured her. He\u2019d tell her how pretty she was, how smart she was or how much he enjoyed having her in his life. But he never called her beautiful. \u201cWait,\u201d he said, barely above a whisper. \u201cIt\u2019s not that I don\u2019t find you attractive.\u201d She tried to talk, shout or make any sound, but her tongue felt too big for her mouth. She wanted to be pissed, but like the porch swing\u2019s metal chains, she was sad and tired. She couldn\u2019t bear to look at him because she knew if she saw his big chestnut eyes, she\u2019d betray herself and forgive him. Their relationship started as nothing more than a fling on Tinder. A little pick me up that they both needed to get over people who walked out of their lives way too easily. Sex turned into something more. On warm summer nights, they sat on the porch swing for hours listening to each other\u2019s favorite artists. He played her Mac Miller\u2019s Devine Feminine album from start to finish. She played him every love song she\u2019d ever heard. And now, she had to leave before he talked her into betraying herself. Even though they weren\u2019t official and it had only been a few months, she felt very attached. She ran to her car. As she drove away, she saw him in her rear-view mirror standing in his driveway watching her car speed away. Days later, her phone was full of voicemails from him, all tearful and upset. \u201cBabe, I didn\u2019t mean what I said\u2014or what I didn\u2019t say. Please, just let me explain. We can\u2019t just leave it like this.\u201d   Even though it had only been a few whirlwind-filled months, she knew that she didn\u2019t owe him a thing. But if she didn\u2019t owe him anything, not a goddamn thing, why was she driving over to his place right now? Why did she still feel like she was all in? Instead of a fiery rage inside, she felt dread. There was no certainty they\u2019d have one of those powerful love stories people write about in books and movies. But what if it turned into something more? She had never felt this way for anyone before.  She pulled up to the house, and there he was, waiting for her on the porch swing. She sat in her tiny car for a second, collecting her breath. Her grip on the steering wheel was so tight she felt the fabric peeling off into her palms. Her heart beat so fast it felt like the moment before you take a giant leap off a mountain and fall into the ocean underneath. \u201cHey,\u201d she said, keeping her eyes fixed on the bottom step of the porch. \u201cHey,\u201d he smiled, hopeful. She sat down on the porch swing next to him, trying her best not to let their knees, elbows or anything else touch. \u201cWhat\u2019s up?\u201d he said. \u201cNothing much. What about you?\u201d \u201cJust thinking about how I\u2019m going to explain this to you.\u201d He let out a sigh. \u201cJust tell me how you really feel,\u201d \u201cOkay,\u201d he said, a little hesitant. \u201cI promise I\u2019m not some jackass who\u2019s been dragging you along for these past few months. It\u2019s just that when you asked me if I thought you were beautiful, it took me by surprise.\u201d \u201cWhy would that surprise you?\u201d she asked. \u201cI don\u2019t know. I\u2019ve been thinking about it for the past few days. I know that I do, but then I have these thoughts that make me second-guess myself. I hear this little voice in my head that asks if I\u2019m sure that I do.\u201d \u201cOkay,\u201d she said, still confused. \u201cOnce the thought is in my head I just obsess and obsess over it until there\u2019s something else to obsess over. It\u2019s a vicious cycle that never ends. So in my head I’m going back and forth.\u201d \u201cEither you do or you don\u2019t. It\u2019s not some great fucking debate!\u201d She was getting frustrated. \u201cIt\u2019s not that easy!\u201d he shouted, matching<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-2807","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepetigrureview.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2807","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepetigrureview.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepetigrureview.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepetigrureview.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepetigrureview.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2807"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/thepetigrureview.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2807\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepetigrureview.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2807"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}